They Don’t Need a Perfect Mother

Before you have children, you can have all kinds of ideas about the kind of mother you want to be. How you’re going to handle certain things, what you’ll definitely do and, above all, what you’ll never do. And then you have children and quickly discover that real life doesn’t always follow that perfect picture. 😂

There are days when everything runs smoothly. The kids are ready on time, nobody has lost anything, dinner is on the table and for a moment you think: look at me, I’ve got this. And then there are days when you’ve asked someone for the third time to put their shoes on, you realise on the way that something important was left at home, and by the evening you’re simply happy that everyone has been fed and made it to bed in one piece.

Both are part of motherhood.

I Don’t Have to Get It Right All the Time

As a mother, of course I want the best for my children. I want them to be happy, to feel safe and to know they can always come to me. But that doesn’t mean I handle every situation perfectly.

I lose my patience sometimes too. I make the wrong choices, wonder afterwards whether I should have done something differently and have moments when I simply have no energy left. Sometimes I have to apologise to my children because my reaction wasn’t fair or because I handled something the wrong way.

And maybe they learn something from that too.

That adults make mistakes. That saying sorry doesn’t make you weak. That you can love someone and still sometimes be angry or irritated with each other. And that having a difficult day doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with your family.

Every Child Needs Something Different

Something else I’ve learned more and more over the years is that there isn’t one way of parenting that always works. Even within the same family, children can be completely different.

What works for one child may not work at all for another. One may sometimes need a little extra explanation, while another needs some space. One tells you everything without being asked, while with another you sometimes have to wait until the right moment comes.

For me, that means parenting is also about constantly paying attention. Not only to what I think is right, but especially to the child standing in front of me at that moment.

It’s Often the Ordinary Moments

When I look back one day on my children growing up, I don’t think what I’ll remember most is whether the house was tidy every day or whether every meal was perfectly healthy.

It will probably be the ordinary things that stay with me. Laughing together about something incredibly silly. A conversation in the car. Playing board games around the table. A hug out of nowhere. One of my children suddenly telling me something I didn’t even know was on their mind. The chaos before we have to go somewhere and the stories that later become funny precisely because of that chaos.

Life with children doesn’t have to be extraordinary every day to eventually be filled with extraordinary memories.

Love Doesn’t Have to Be Perfect

My children don’t need a mother who is never tired, never makes mistakes, is always patient and always has the right answer.

They need a mother who allows them to be themselves. Who listens to them, sets boundaries, can admit when she’s wrong, laughs with them, stands up for them and tries every day to give them what they need.

I’ll definitely get things wrong plenty more times. They’ll make mistakes and so will I. We’ll disagree, sometimes completely fail to understand each other and probably have many more chaotic mornings ahead of us. 😂

But maybe that’s exactly what being a family is.

Not perfect.

But real.

And above all, filled with so much love. 💗